Resting in Jesus

This morning did not start as I had envisioned it would. It was supposed to be a relaxing morning with a trip to the local coffee shop, a casual hour or two working on my manuscript, maybe a few laughs, and then back home in time for a healthy lunch. I still went to coffee and I still worked on my manuscript, but in the back of my mind I was distracted, my heart was heavy, and I was overwhelmed by possibilities. My future's possibilities. 

I am currently in a stage of life where it seems that's all there is, possibilities. But which ones do I act on? Which ones are realistic? Which ones do I want? Should I go to college? Or I get a job? Should I continue to pursue the road to publication? Or do I simply continue to live life as I currently am?

I know what I want in life: a husband, a few kids, a writing career, and opportunities to travel. I have told Jesus my desires and He knows my heart. I'm trusting Jesus, but it hasn't been easy. Most of the time it's hard. Really hard. Waiting is tiring, but I know it is necessary. I try to be optimistic, at peace, and fully rely on Jesus through the ups and downs of it all. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.

To be honest, I'm discouraged. I had a battle with doubt and fear this afternoon. Questions kept rolling around in my brain. What if I made a mistake by not going to college right out of high school? What if I actually followed my own desire to become a writer? What if I never get married? What if...

I cried. I felt so small. So lost. I researched colleges and looked into writing programs. The uneasy feeling inside just kept building. I searched for jobs I thought I could live with and it only stressed me out. It was too much. I had to shut my computer off and turn away. This wasn't a feeling from God.

Overwhelmed, I whispered to Jesus, "Lord, when I am discouraged can you keep my chin from falling?"

Jesus is the only one that could keep me from sinking to a pit of defeat. And He did. Jesus kept my chin up. He told me I would be okay. He gave me peace in my calling to be a writer. Jesus reassured me that He had my life in His hands. Jesus reminded me that He does not need me to make it happen. All He wants is for me to rest in Him. I am where Jesus wants me to be.

So I'm resting in Jesus. I'm surrendering my feelings. I'm abandoning my fear. I want Jesus and nothing else. I believe he called me to write. I'm trusting Him to prepare a godly man for me. I will wait for His timing in all things.

Jesus loves us so much. He wants what is best for us. His timing is good and perfect. He is good and perfect. In Him all things are possible. Jesus will hold you, walk beside you, carry you, comfort you. He has us in the palm of His hand and He is doing wonderful things. Jesus is working in our lives even when we can't see it, feel it, or understand it.

Let's rest in Jesus.